“I am right, and you are wrong and that’s that”!
In every generation, families have wrestled with disagreements—over values, beliefs, politics, or simply how to load the dishwasher. But something feels different today. Are the issues we face today more controversial? Are people more passionate than they’ve been throughout human history? I don’t think so. What feels different now is how hard it’s become to engage in meaningful, constructive dialogue around issues on which we are not aligned.
From our families of origin, we all eventually step out into the world, encounter new perspectives, and begin to form our own beliefs. Ideally, we integrate those experiences with what we were taught by our parents and the communities we grew up in. That’s how it worked when I was growing up in Jasper, Alberta—a small town where, despite our differences, we had to get along. There were 25 other kids my age at school and 4 people in my family. We didn’t have the luxury of walking away from people we disagreed with. We learned to listen, to share, and to bring new ideas back to our circle. And when alignment couldn’t happen, we were okay with agreeing to disagree.
Today, that process feels harder. We carry around devices that allow us to spend all our time immersed in perspectives we already agree with. The algorithms aren’t designed to challenge us or broaden our understanding—they’re designed to keep us scrolling. And so, while we’re busy reinforcing our own beliefs, the people we care about may be doing the same with the opposite perspective. No wonder it feels like we’re speaking different languages. This polarization is being observed in society and politics worldwide.
But what happens when the polarization is occurring in our own families?
How Families Can Reconnect and Thrive in a Polarized World
During the early stages of the pandemic, a colleague witnessed charged conversations between two siblings in family meetings. Both were intelligent and passionate yet held opposing views on how best to do their part. Each was doing a lot of research but mostly in service to the ideas they already had. Much of their information came from social media, where algorithms tend to amplify confirmation bias. Instead of expanding their perspectives, they became more skilled at defending their own. Matters appeared to be escalating to the point of estrangement.
This pattern isn’t unique. In fact, it reflects a broader truth: family-related issues often have a greater impact on family enterprises than business-related ones. As John Ward aptly said, “The most critical issues facing business-owning families are family-based issues more than they are business-based issues.”
So how can families move beyond conflict and toward collective enrichment—especially when financial success affords each member the freedom to explore individual interests?
1. Understand Communication Styles
Every family member communicates differently. Some are direct, others more reflective. Investing time to understand these styles can prevent misunderstandings and foster empathy. When people feel heard in the way they need to be, they’re more likely to engage constructively.
2. Create a Safe Space
Psychological safety is crucial. When people feel threatened or attacked, creativity and honesty decline. A secure environment makes sure that every voice is heard, and that tough conversations can occur without fear of judgment or retaliation.
3. Establish Communication Guidelines
Not every conversation belongs at every moment. Families benefit from setting boundaries around when and where specific topics are discussed. This helps prevent emotional spillover and ensures that sensitive issues are addressed with care and intention.
4. Develop a Conflict Resolution Strategy
In today’s polarized world, conflict is unavoidable. But it doesn’t have to be harmful. By establishing a framework for resolving disagreements before they arise, families can turn conflict into an opportunity for growth. With the proper process, conflicts can serve to deepen relationships and broaden perspectives.
5. Bring in Professional Facilitation When Needed
Even with the best intentions and tools, some topics may be too emotionally charged to navigate alone. A skilled facilitator can help guide these conversations, ensuring that they remain productive and respectful.
In the case of our warring siblings, although the family had invested in education and training around communication styles, that knowledge went out the door as each sibling felt increasingly threatened.
Family meetings had previously been a place where open dialogue and mutual respect existed. But with the emergence of a deeply polarizing conflict, that sense of safety unraveled. The siblings, once thoughtful and curious, began openly judging one another. Their conversations shifted from connection to confrontation, and the trust that had defined the space was fractured.
Thankfully, the family had well established communication guidelines. Other family members enacted the parking lot clause- asking the siblings to put the issue in the parking lot during family meetings. The rest of the family was able to show the siblings that this issue was too hot to handle.
The family recognized they had never done any work on Conflict Resolution- this experience prompted them to seek out further professional advice and education in developing a framework that the family could utilize to navigate conflict.
Tensions continued to exist during the pandemic, and afterward, but by parking the issue, the relationships were preserved. Eventually the pandemic passed. Some bitter feelings remained, however, over time as the family continued to work on their Conflict Resolution Skills, safety was restored.
When families commit to safe communication, mutual understanding, and clear guidelines, they create a foundation for shared growth. Members can explore the world individually and return with insights that enrich the whole. In a time when division is easy and unity is rare, families have the power to model a better way forward—for themselves and for the world.
